If it doesn"t sound, favor, also out tright here, and also if you have the right to obtain over your are afraid of hurting me, carry out you think it"d be weird if I asked you to slap me?

Ow!

Jesus Christ!

(chuckling): What? You asked me to.

You are watching: New phone who dis you re the worst

Ow!

Ow!

(both grunting)

What in God"s name...?

"Flight itinerary: Heathrow to L.A.X."

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This cannot be happening.

Why would my family members be flying here?

They can"t perform that.

So tell "em to suck your dick.

Well, I can"t tell them to suck my dick, Gretchen, bereason they"re currently in the air!

They arrive in the morning.

For four days?!

Why the hell are they...?

Gretchen, the, uh, the-the... the letters that I provided you, you-you didn"t...?

Yeah, I mailed them like you asked.

No!

Why would certainly you carry out that?!

They were just threats, so if I didn"t hit the page count, you were to mail the letters!

I do not obtain it.

Oh, my God, and the love letter to Becca.

And tright here was a 3rd one.

What was it?

Oh, yeah, it was bad. I remember that.

I"m currently regretting not slapping you harder.

I cannot have these lunatics in my residence.

Gretch, you got to assist me. Promise you"ll assist me, please.

Can"t.

Jesus, I thought you sassist you were better.

I lied.

Well, fake it and also assist me!

I don"t wanna.

Do you think I "wanna"?

Nobody "wanna"!

But I need your help! Come on!

See? We deserve to execute this, we deserve to do this.

No, you recognize what?

I shan"t be cowed by a visiting team of soccer hooligans, feebs and also psychotics through congenital lead aggression.

Except for my younger sister; she"s all right.

Yes, one look at just how inconceivably far I"ve come, and also they will watch just how together I have actually it all.

This came for you.

"Dear Jimmy.

"It"s docountries favor yours that ensure eincredibly young boy gets the hugs he needs."

Oh, yeah, I knew it was bad.

(gasps)

Yo, have the right to I obtain this lollipop?

♪ I"m gonna leave you anymeans ♪♪ I"m gonna leave you anyway ♪♪ Gonna leave you anymeans. ♪

(pounding on door)

No, no, you promised.

Oh, come on!

(groans)

Family!

Welinvolved America.

Shut up.

I"ve forobtained what soft hands you have.

It"s like shaking hands via the imperial baby.

Royal girl baby!

(laughs)

(coughs)

Woman: Jimmy!

Lilly, oh, my God, look at you!

Uh, you should be in university by currently.

Oh, I was going to go, but they stated that university is simply a area w*nk*rs go to research poetry and also fist themselves.

Ah, well, that"s...

So, Fiona, what have actually you been up to?

Work at the Tesco.

You recognize, the excellent one on the north side.

Promoted directly amethod.

Cashier... complimentary apron and also whatever.

Uh, where"s Mum?

In Barcelona via Tony.

Who"s Tony?

Exactly.

I do not recognize why she married the bloody tosser.

Wait, what, married?

I don"t understand also.

Me neither.

He smokes those skinny cigarettes and doesn"t wear socks, if you understand what I suppose.

Wait, you obtained divorced?

Why did nobody tell me?!

Why, look at Jimmy"s sophisticated little bit salt dish.

"Oh, I have the right to just have a little bit of salt, otherwise me mouth gets as well dry for gobbling knobs."

(laughter)

Uh, just, ah!

Just gonna move my book tbelow.

It"s-it"s not a coaster.

Although "CoolBookGirl14" on GoodReads referred to as it "an emotional roller coaster."

Hello, Shive-Overlys.

I"m Edgar, and, uh, welconcerned our house.

Who"s the Paki?

(gasps) Wow.

Di, that is rather offensive.

First of all, he"s my roommate.

"Roommate."

And secondly, he"s not Pakistani, he"s Mexican.

Ah, Mexicans... America"s Pakis.

I"ll be best earlier.

Gretchen!

Jimmy: Gretchen?

TV announcer: Ladies and also gentlemen...

Guys, this is my girlfriend, Gretchen.

Jimmy, where"s your gun?

Why would I have actually a gun?

Similar to Shitty Jimmy to move to America and also not very own a gun.

Wait, what did you simply contact him?

What"s it to you?!

No, I was genuinely asking.

Shitty Jimmy. You do not understand the story of Shitty Jimmy?

(laughs)

It"s an excellent story.

So what occurred was, right?

One day, he slipped in sh1t.

So from then on, we called him Shitty Jimmy.

(laughter)

We also dubbed him Prick Bandit, Crybaby Fartchallenge and also Little Jizz Man.

Ah, goddamn it.

Well, my project below is done.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Lilly! Tea!

So...

I assumed this day we might go see the gigantic boulder at LACMA, then there"s a screening of Vertigo at the cemetery...

Well, obviously we can"t carry out any type of of that.

The Eurotune Track Contest is on all week.

Jimmy: Wait, so you flew all the means to Los Angeles simply to sit in front of the telly?

Was it tough to compose a book, Jimmy?

I"m so proud of you.

I constantly tell the various other girls at Fancy Dames about my well known brvarious other in America.

Fancy Dames, the strip club?

Last time I saw you, you were analysis Harry Potter.

Well, I did acquire a tattoo of Dobby the Housage Elf on my...

It"s okay.

Lilly!

Biscuits!

Then we had actually to relocate the half-price section.

And that was a big to-do, of course.

Davey sassist the half-price was as well cshed to the posh cheeses, and it didn"t make sense, customer-wise, of course.

Well, I told Davey, "You have to move the indications then, "reason obviously Carrie can"t lug "em."

Why can"t Carrie lug them?

Due to the fact that she"s got no arms; that"s why we speak to her Carrie.

Her genuine name"s Beth.

Did I tell you what Regina sassist the other day?

I don"t know who Regina is.

Or Davey or Carrie.

You provide literally no context to your stories.

Regina is Giancarlo"s girl.

Anyway, Regina shelp that Davey said that in Amerihave the right to grocery stores, they play a rain and also thunder sound, and then a device spritzes the vegetables.

What a lie.

Can you imagine?

Di: Will you two shut up?

The bleeding Belgians are cheating aacquire.

(music plays, crowd cheers)

(door opens, closes)

Hey, everyone, this is Lindsay.

She"s, uh, Gretchen"s finest friend.

Ronny: Come and sit on my lap, luv.

Oh, don"t mind these stains.

Just a little of bean juice.

Right, I need you to find Gretchen and also obtain her up right here.

And check the closets.

Now, go.

(removes throat)

Do gun mirrors have actually bazookas?

Always wanted me very own bazooka.

Jimmy: No idea.

Dad, what taken place via you and Mum?

I don"t understand.

She just wanted a bloke prefer Tony via his floppy hair and tight pants.

Bit favor you.

(chuckles) How"d you gain your hair so floppy?

You, uh, have a special cream?

Does it come out of a tube?

A flesh-colored tube?

(laughter)

Hey, look that I discovered.

Who"s winning the thing?

Di: Maybe I"d recognize if you weren"t constantly yapping in my face choose a goddamn Belgian.

(cell phone beeps)

Ugh.

Linds, deserve to you go help Sam through a wardrobe crisis?

No difficulty.

I thought all English civilization were sophisticated, but these are prefer Alabama English civilization.

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(screams) Jesus.

I have to look extra dope!

Those assholes" latest track dissed my wardrobe so thoaround, they have actually me doubting my signature style that GQ magazine as soon as dubbed "courageously headache-y."